a quote

"that the past is a lie, that memory has no return, that the wildest and most tenacious love is often nothing but ephemeral truth" - one hundred years of solitude

The Cosmos Replies

I am: Alpha/Omega Light/Dark Life/Death Hate/Love Pain/Pleasure
I am: Everyone/You/Him/Her/We/Us/Them
I am: Inyouaroundyoueverythingeverywhere
I am: The gods that you worship. I am but one and all.
What I am not: The Void.
Which do you choose?
The Cosmos and Be? or the Void and Be Not?
Which do you choose?

The Void Speaks

No alpha nor omega
I am the void.
No light nor darkness
I am the void.
No life nor death
I am the void.
No hate nor love
No pain nor pleasure
There is only nohing.
Because I am the void.
Come into me
And bask in my oblivion
Oblivious to everything but my nothing.

to her

to the girl who
pinesforhimlongsforhimyearnsforhimwaitsforhim
pinesforhimlongsforhimyearnsforhimwaitsforhim
pinesforhimlongsforhimyearnsforhimwaitsforhim
pinesforhimlongsforhimyearnsforhimwaitsforhim
you need to stop
(but i think i might have an inkling of what it's like for you)

updated version of anchor

they were aimless.
drifting floating waiting
for possession
(so as to be)
no longer wandering
no longer wondering

empathy

empathy
is a funny thing
once you have it
something you once laughed off
doesn't seem so
funny anymore

fiery disposition
from the mum.
short stature
from the mum
child-bearing hips
from the mum
i am her.

narcissist

loving you might be narcissism
cause you're so like me too like me
it's scary
unlike anyone else i've met
before.
am i loving me or you?
me or you? me and you?
but maybe it'd be ok
because it's you(me).

Childhood

Grasping onto the last vestiges of Childood
She takes her place at the mast of the ship
She slots a one-million coin into the slot
And she sets off on an adventure
Through exotic seas.
In search of exotic lands.
In search of Peter Pan Forever Boy
So that she can be his Wendy Forever Girl
Fulfil Promises of Non-Adulthoood, of Forever Childhood.
"It cost 20 cents the last time you took it"

And it had to take inflation to remind her how long it was
Since she was last a True Child.

Capacity for Love

she doubts her own
Capacity for Love
Doubts proclamations of
"I cannot live without you"
"I cannot go a day without you"
because she can
oh she can
and thus she casts her own
Humanity
into question.

なんか。世界は恋したいっていう乙女で溢れてる気がします。
友達との相談で、ブローグで、みんな恋オーラがだしっちゃう。ゲッ。ｄ＾＾ｂ

Anchor - dedicated to Zhili

where once, we were two wisps of
aimless drifters - formless, shapeless
But
by luck? by chance? we were joined
to each other
by god? by fate? we were joined
to each other
no longer wandering...
no longer wondering...

Hard love

I scream you scream
You shout I shout
In love's cacophony.

Cosmology is romantic

Listen to the death cry of stars lost in oblivion
Hear them weep, what melodious sound
Swept into a vortex of endless night
And there, await rebirth.
Cosmic seeds, hence sown by unknown hand
Persist despite the void, the vacuum
To spring forth in light and frission
Into landscapes of boundless stardust
The soil from which we emerge into being, into



consciousness



And then there was light

what the fortune teller said

Foreigners bring you luck
A life-changing experience at 26
Married by(at?) 27, maybe 32 it depends
A strong but infertile woman
A man who can control you.
A Scorpio maybe.
A Taurus would be good, too.
Libras are too fickle.
Take care of the heart
Money won't be a problem
A workerholic, you'll need wider vision, like her.
You're too cold. Learn to be warmer, like her too.

"How do you know?"

The palms don't lie.
(I'm a professional Astro-palmist!)


One last thing:
You will deal with glamour.
Because you have an eye for beauty.
But take heed not to be

Destroyed by beauty.

red moon

and there she was
right there

in her crimson glory, barely clothed
in strips of black cloud
all sensual
and smothering
with hidden promise

like a tiger
in the forest of the night

she mesmerised me.

and called out to me.

was she a portal to another world?
a portent of disaster?

i was in a trance

and then she was gone.
in her place: darkness

i waited and waited
but she did not return

and the next night
only her pure white sister came.

a note to a friend

a question asked over the pacific ocean.
"where are you going for the holidays?"

a simple question, almost perfunctory
but oh! the insecurities it raised.

my answer: same old malaysia
yours: peru

peru?
south america?
exotic and foreign and unfamiliar and strange
that which u might become
if i'm not careful
if we're not careful

i take comfort that we still have
the same love for japanese dramas
the same love for music
and shared past experiences
and shared idols
which i hope, i fervently wish
will last us through adulthood

if we're careful.

so that the distance that stands between us now
does not turn from
kilometres to incompatible minds/hearts

"if only i could go too!" I exclaimed.
"let's go to europe together next year!" you said.
i hope we do.

happy day

destination 1: got her wallet fixed
its punky again

walking down orchard road
same but different
with heightened senses
heightened from a sudden delight
that sprang from nowhere
at the revelation of being human
of living
shouts heard of a snatch thief apprehended
outside Wisma Atria (Topshop)
who sruggled like a trapped insect under a finger
limbs flailing wildly flabs a-jiggling
when restrained by 3 security guards

moving on
she was given a red balloon from Gap
her first in years, many years
again a pang of wonder, child-like, poignant, nostalgic
when last had she felt child-like wonder, she wondered

brisk steps forward
a yellow butterfly joins her in her happy solitude
offering a brief companionship, although she hadn't felt lonely
for once.
a friend(a lover from a past life?)
it fluttered erratically around her, circled her,
close to her face
close enough to see it's speckled brown spots
on its beautiful lemony yellow wings
it landed on her hand, passing touch
then on her turquoise blouse

it was as if it knew her

and then she was all at once red(balloon) black(hair) beige(skin) yellow(wings) brown(specks) blue(shorts) turquoise(top) purple(sandals)

her heart was light, it was as if maybe, she could rise into the deep blue sky with her red balloon

and then it left

coming through,
a handicapped peddler
she buys 5 lottery tickets (5 chances at wealth)
5 wishes?
with her orangey ten-dollar note
yusof ishak smiles at her
(for her altruism?)

2nd destination reached:
OG orchard
she goes to find those "comfortable scholl shoes"
her mum likes
black, sensible, responsible, plain
she frowns
they reek of adult
of days spent at the desk
crunching numbers
and she's reminded of the painful blisters at her heels
she decides against buying them for now...
thoughts interrupted, by the vibration at her chest
her phone lights up

"hello"
another friend to join her in her happy solitude
she speaks of the thief the balloon the butterfly
almost incoherently
thankful for someone to share

"sorry for asking you to sing the other day"
an apology for a present?
a first in her life

"goodbye"

a small setback.
but her joy at this excursion is too great
to be shadowed

oh happy day
her heart sings